A Host Family Perspective...

I recently asked one of our host families to write a little about their experience of hosting students. The following is their personal account of why they do it and how it works for them...this is not necessarily the right or wrong way to host a student, just their way. Some students prefer to be more 'independant', others love the attention. At the end is a very recent quote from one of our ex-students who stayed with this family... I have deliberatly removed reference to names as with so many excellent host families it would be unfair to single out one as better than another. It is an interesting insight into what it means to be a 'Host Family'...Enjoy :0)

I have been asked to write something about being a host family and just exactly what it means to us.

Well I suppose firstly I should say if you want to become a host family then you should not rely on it as a replacement income, although of course there is payment for your guests, this should not really be the primary purpose of you taking on this important role.

But in contradiction to the above statement this is the exact reason why my wife and I came to find ourselves being host parents, I had been laid off from work and we needed the extra income so we enrolled as host parents with a few companies in the bay, however I was lucky and managed to find myself another position fairly soon, but what to do now, do we continue with the route we had chosen and become surrogate mum and dad to some strange foreign students or do we just tell them we didn’t want to do it after all ?

Thankfully we continued, and I say thankfully because we have both said we should have done this year’s ago. Our own children flew the nest and the house suddenly became very quiet, we had always welcomed their friends with open arms and we were often consulted on many growing up issues that they felt they could not discuss with their own parents, the house was full of noise, I think it’s what they call music now but to us “old fuddy duddies” it was just noise !! We treated all of them as equal’s and respected their opinions and values, and above all we “listened” something I think many of us older generation folk don’t tend to do with young people these days, very good grounding for our new and exciting roles as “your English Mum and Dad”.

Students from any country when they first arrive are nervous (only to be expected, but then so are we !!) more often than not its late evening when they arrive, tired and possibly hungry after a long journey and possibly on their own and quite often the very first time away from their family and friends, so we welcome them to their new home with open arms and big smiles !! Sometimes it’s not too bad because we will have already had contact with them through one of the social media sites, finding out what their likes and dislikes are, (so many boys don’t like vegetables, just like here I guess !!)  exchanging photos of our house and their bedroom, photos of us and the Bay of course, breaking the ice before they arrive to help make the adjustment that little bit easier for them and us.

We have met them at the airport, the train station and coach park, making a point of being welcoming; it starts from the very first minute you meet, so make it a good one.

 The first evening is taken up with chatting about their journey, their family and why they have come to England to learn our language, we show them around the house and explain to them about bus timetables, where they will be going to work or school and about meal times, we tell them that our evening meal is around 6.30ish each evening and that is a time we like to stick too, but if they can’t make it to give us a call ( we give each of them a credit card size card with our contact details on, our address and the telephone number of a good taxi service in case they need it oh and of course the bus number and where to get off) the reason for the 6.30 meal time is so that we can each talk about our day, the good things and the bad, about their homework if they have any or about any projects they might have been set by their temporary work place, this is a time when we can assess their individual language skills and assure them that they will get better even if they think they won’t, this is the listening skills bit again !! this could be the reason why the evening meal can stretch to two hours !! and most importantly we tell them that while they are here in England we are their English Mum and Dad and this is their home, if they have any problems not too feel that they can’t talk to us about it. By the end of the first week it is generally amazing at how much their grasp of the English language has improved.

We treat them all as our own, which might sound a bit strange, but we would like to think that if either of our own children were in this position in a foreign country they would be treated the same, so yes we might “go the extra mile” but then for your kids you do don’t you?

I have taken the odd day off work to take some of them sightseeing, whether it’s around Exeter or Tintagle or just around our South Devon beaches for the day. One of our own regular customs is that we like to go to Café Tutto in Paignton every weekend either Saturday or Sunday or both days, for our caffeine hit (well it is exceptionally nice) and we take them along to introduce them to some nice coffee and nice local people and they love it.

We have been introduced to their parents through Skype and even had them joining in with us over dinner, (strange but quite funny!!) we have chatted to their girlfriends or boyfriends and told little white lies about them never going out clubbing!! On one occasion I even taught two young Italian boys how to make lasagne as they liked mine so much they wanted to do it for their mums when they got home, praise indeed.  We had one young lad who lived with his grandmother and while he was with us her house was burgled and she fell and ended up in hospital, quite a traumatic time for him with lots of phone call by us to the hospital and the Gendarmes to help comfort him, but we got him through it even though everyday he wanted to go home to be with her, his family told us he was better here with us where we could be his shoulder to cry on.

We have let them loose in our kitchen to cook something for us from their home country, all very tasty if a little different, but being different and accepting that, is what all this is about, during our meal times we have had many long conversations about religion, politics wars and the futility of them, and of course sport, and our differing customs.

We keep in contact with them all, mostly through social media sites but we also have their address’s and birthdays so we can send them a card, to tell them we still think of them and we miss them. You build a special bond with these young people and hopefully it goes on and on, when they get home they tell us how things are, they let us know about holidays they are going on, how their work or studies are going even how their relationships are working out, it’s more than being a Host Family it’s about Family and treating them no differently.

So in a nutshell then being a Host Mum and Dad, is just the same as being a mum and dad to your own children, accepting, listening, talking, respecting, guiding, ( can I add chauffeur, chef, house maid, confidant, and Agony Aunt/Uncle).

We have thoroughly enjoyed our time doing this and as I said right at the beginning “wish we had done it years ago” we have family now all over Europe and Saudi Arabia, so a lottery win would be really nice right now please !!

 And a comment from a student who stayed with this family ...

My 2 months were magical, different cultures, language, on the right road, car driving on the contrary, very fun. I was lucky to get a very good family, xxxxx and xxxxxx, each week I have to talk to me they are my grandparents in my life.
This experience marked me a lot in my life. For years I will return to xxxxxxxx xxxxx - Paingnton. I need to go back, I feel a great lack of xxxxx and xxxxxx.
I am currently working in a pet store, something I love to do, but never forget the experience in Torquay, because for years going back;-P